Advice for dating someone with herpes
That might sound crazy to say, but their reaction is NOT a reflection of something bad about you – their reactions and feelings are THEIR reactions and feelings.
You are still the same person, regardless of how they react.
It’s understandable that you’re probably feeling upset, worried and suspicious about why you weren’t told about this. There are several things to consider: Your partner may have hidden their herpes diagnosis from you, thinking that as long as they were not putting you at risk (by abstaining from sex during outbreaks) then it was okay.
Your partner may have mistakenly thought they could avoid having to tell you and still keep you safe from getting it.
When someone has herpes asymptomatically, the sudden appearance of symptoms can be brought on by a time of very high or prolonged stress, a weakened immune system, general changes to their health and metabolism, or any number of other factors could tip the balance of their health.
It could damage their trust and confidence in how well they know you and make them wonder if there are other secrets you’re keeping from them. You need to weigh your own needs and feelings along with your partner’s needs and feelings.
Having “The Talk” can be very stressful but it is important to do.
How you approach it can make a difference to how well it goes – for both you and your friend.
The important thing is that you not put them at risk for getting herpes before you disclose to them that you have it.
If you get a negative reaction from your partner, get some support from a trusted friend or herpes support group to help you through this.